This is our last week of the Bible study 5 Conversations You Must Have With Your Daughter by Vicki Courtney. As we’ve worked through the book, we’ve looked at Redefining Beauty, Reclaiming Girlhood, Revising the Talk, Rekindling the Dream and today we look at Restoring Virtue. Each of these 5 conversations should be introduced to our daughters, and then ongoing  discussions with them.

Things You’ll Need to Do: Week Five

• Select your favorite scripture verses on page 163, write into a prayer for your daughter, and carry it with you
  
• Read Week Five (pages 137-174) in workbook
• Download and watch Video Conversation Five (optional due to cost)
• Download and watch Video Conversation Six (optional due to cost)
• Complete viewer guides on page 137 and 165
• Copy the Plan of Salvation on page 164 and make sure you share it with your daughter
  

This week on page 153, Vicki discusses some things we can do to encourage our daughters to serve the less fortunate. Some of the activities I’ve shared with my daughters include:

• When our church collected winter coats last year, my youngest daughter gave up her metallic gold Hannah Montana jacket-never worn. As we prepared to leave my daughter was a bit behind the rest of us so I went to locate her. She was writing a note and putting it inside the pocket of her coat:

“Dear little girl, this is my favorite Hannah Montana jacket. I’ve never even worn it yet. It still has the price tag on it. It’s a $50 coat. I wanted you to have it to stay warm and I’m 7 years old.”

• On another day, my kids were having as sleepover with a few friends. All the girls decided to write a letter to Sarah (Compassion child) and we took a photo of them sitting on the hot pink/black zebra stripe bed! Each girl told her name, how old she was, and what she was learning in school. All the kids signed the letter, and we mailed it to Africa.

• When my older daughter was 9 years old, she went with me to volunteer at a home for teenagers with Down syndrome. It was initially difficult for her, then she started playing basketball and doing art with the kids and learned a little about their challenges. Her friend’s little sister had just died from Down syndrome a month earlier, and this was our way of supporting those families living with the illness.

• When she was 11 years old,  we attended a baby shower for the local pregnancy center, and listened to the speaker talk about the babies they’ve saved, the courage these women have, and how the church supports women who decide to keep their babies. We brought baby gifts to the party, and my daughter was in awe of the amount of giving and love these women received from the church community.

• Each Christmas we get a shoebox for Operation Christmas Child, and I allow my kids to fill the box with items for giving.

When you look at this list, look for opportunities that you can share with your own daughter. Most of the opportunities we’ve shared have been through our church or through our school community.

Quotes from Vicki Courtney

“Our youth is so desensitized to inappropriate behaviors glamorized by those in the spotlight that they believe bad has become the new good.”

“We need to be careful that we don’t hinder our daughters from taking a closer look at their lives to examine whether they are saved.”

“The goal is not to pressure mooms to raise girls who are “good” but rather to raise girls who are God’s.”

Prayer Requests

Father, I pray for the salvation of my daughter. Grant me the opportunities to discuss with her the fruit in her life, the temptation to sin and the consequences- based upon Your commands. I ask that she builds her life on a foundation of faith, trust and hope. I pray that You will bring new and better friendships into her life, and establish stronger friendships with Christians who walk in faith. May she be saved from sin, accept salvation through Christ, receive the gift of Grace and confess her loyalty to the King of all Kings. In Jesus name, amen.

Scripture Verses for Restoring Virtue (NIV)

Examine yourselves to see whether you are in the faith; test yourselves. Do you not realize that Christ Jesus is in you—unless, of course, you fail the test? 2 Cor 13:5

Thus, by their fruit you will recognize them. Matt 7:20

In the same way, faith by itself, if it is not accompanied by action, is dead. But someone will say, “You have faith; I have deeds.”  Show me your faith without deeds, and I will show you my faith by what I do. You believe that there is one God. Good! Even the demons believe that—and shudder. James 2:17-19

Group Discussion for the 5 Conversations Bible Study

What are some of the things you can do with your daughter to encourage her to help the needy?

It’s our fourth week of study in 5 Conversations You Must Have With Your Daughter, the Bible Study by Vicki Courtney. Last week week we had a conversation about sex, and this week we discuss marriage with our daughters. In the lesson plan, Vicki shared that she will go on a mini-vacation with her daughter, someplace special where they can be alone together to have these talks. With 5 conversations in the study, a simple plan for Moms or Grandmas would be to go someplace special with our daughters, every month or two, and have a single conversation. It could be a date night with our daughter, or a simple walk in the park; what is important is the CONVERSATION, not the location. This Bible study has really shaped my understanding of how I learned about sex, marriage, living together and working moms…and what I would like to do differently with my own two daughters. I hope you’ve had a chance to read this workbook….it really places a new perspective on how we educate our daughters.

Things You’ll Need to Do: Week four

• Take a minute and pray for your own mother or grandmother, and the lack of resources she had when teaching you about these 5 conversations
  
• Read Week Four (pages 107-136) in workbook
• Download and watch Video Conversation Four (optional due to cost)
• Complete viewer guide on page 107
  

This week we learn some important facts about living together before marriage, divorce rates, fertility rates and working Moms. Each page in this week’s conversation is like walking into a battlefield….some of you are going to read it with an open mind, some with a guilty mind, some with a closed mind. It’s important to remember that this study is not about us…its about our daughters, who enter this enticing world with very little information from home, and a vast amount of information from television, media and social networks. Which information do you want your daughter to know…the worldview…or God’s view?

As I said last week….If you don’t complete the workbook and the 5 Steps, then you will not have a plan. And those who do not plan, often fail.

Quotes from Vicky Courtney

“God is the author and creator or marriage.”

“Even Christians buy into the notion that if marriage isn’t lending to our overall happiness, it should be revised accordingly to fit the times. This comes from the incorrect assumption that God’s ultimate goal is for humans to be happy.”

“Divorce is the result of fallen people making poor choices.”

“Most failed marriages can be trced back to mistakes made by both parties and a failure to adhere to God’s standards.”

“Always remember that God can heal any marriage; prayer is an essential part of that process.”

“Women have an excellent understanding of birth control, but they overestimated the age at which fertility begins declining.”

Prayer Requests

After reading our lessons this week, we pray Father God that we have an enlightened and renewed understanding or marriage, divorce, living together and motherhood- so we may share these ideas with our daughters and granddaughters. May we pass on this information from a Godly view rather than a view based on our own mistakes or a world view. We seek peace and truth in Your name…and we share this with those we love in Jesus name. Amen.

Scripture Verses for Rekindling the Dream (NIV)

The LORD God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him. Genesis 2:18

But since there is so much immorality, each man should have his own wife, and each woman her own husband. 1 Corinthians 7:2

“Why then,” they asked, “did Moses command that a man give his wife a certificate of divorce and send her away?” Jesus replied, “Moses permitted you to divorce your wives because your hearts were hard. But it was not this way from the beginning. Matt 19:7-8

“I hate divorce,” says the LORD God of Israel, “and I hate a man’s covering himself  with violence as well as with his garment,” says the LORD Almighty. So guard yourself in your spirit, and do not break faith. Malachi 2:16

Sons are a heritage from the LORD, children a reward from him. Psalm 127:3

Then Esau looked up and saw the women and children. “Who are these with you?” he asked. Jacob answered, “They are the children God has graciously given your servant.”  Genesis 33:5

In his heart a man plans his course, but the LORD determines his steps. Proverbs 16:9

Group Discussion for the 5 Conversations Bible Study

On page 130, Vicki asks you to create a list of 10 things you enjoy being a Mom, and to share them with your daughter. Have you created the list, and when do you intend to share it with your daughter or granddaughter?

We’re on the third week of study as we read 5 Conversations You Must Have With Your Daughter, the Bible Study by Vicki Courtney. As I look at this photo I think of the difficulty we face as parents, when we have “the talk” with our daughters. She’s already tuned out to the fact that we are parents…so she fills her mind with the words of her friends, her music and her self-centered world. How, as a Mom, do you face this teen girl and share God’s plan for sex! We cover this with Vicki in the 5 Conversations Bible study this week, as we review the truth about teen sex, and the truth about God’s plan. Several good points are mentioned in this week of study, I hope you’ve had a chance to review it.

Things You’ll Need to Do: Week Three

• Pray for the women and their daughters in this study
• Read Week Three (pages 76-106) in workbook
• Download and watch Video Conversation Three (optional due to cost)
• Complete viewer guide on page 76
  

We get right to the point in week three, day one, as we evaluate the “birds and the bees” conversation. Vicki shows us how the conversation has changed since we were children, as we look back at our own mother-daughter talk. It is time for a NEW and REVISED sex talk with our kids…and the entire week Vicki empowers us with factual knowledge and supporting scripture verses.  Some of the statistics shared in this weeks lesson included:

• More than 25% of teen girls have an STD
• Nearly 40% of teen girls will become pregnant at least once before the age of 20
• By age 45, every 2.5 women in the US has had an abortion
• 25% of the sexually active teen girls reported feeling depressed most of the time
• Sexually active teenage girls are more than 3 times as likely to have a suicide attempt
• 92% of females will have sex by age 22-24

(source: 5 Conversations You Must Have With Your Daughter, Vicki Courtney)

As a mom of two daughters, these statistics are so frightening…of course I’ll get out of my comfort zone and talk to my children about this. Not once a year or when I sense they need some information…I’ll talk about this all the time, as often as I can and until they move out of my home. Thankfully, Vicki guides us with 5-Step Plan (page 85) which is based entirely on Ephesians 5:1-17. It was so helpful to complete this activity and use it as a guideline for conversations with my daughters. Here is my 5-Step Plan:

1. Be imitators of Christ. (Ephesians 5:1)
2. Don’t even hint of sexual immorality or impurity. (Ephesians 5:3)
3. Do not be deceived by others to have sex before marriage, Gods’ wrath will come upon you. (Ephesians 5:6-8)
4. Expose those who will violate God’s law. (Ephesians 5:11)
5. Don’t be foolish. Know God’s will. (Ephesians 5:15-17)

If you don’t complete the workbook and the 5 Steps, then you will not have a plan. And those who do not plan, often fail.

Quotes from Vicky Courtney

“If our daughters are to stand against the cultural tide, we must make ‘the talk’ an ongoing conversation that begins when they are young and continues until they leave the nest.”

“We need to teach our girls that God’s Word always trumps popular opinion.”

“If we want to counter culture’s lies about sex, we must teach our children to be imitators of God rather than followers of the world.”

“Before your daughter enters high school, she needs not only a head knowledge of the verses of Scripture that clearly state that sex is for marriage but also to be well-versed on the dangers of ignoring them.”

Prayer Requests

Father God, we bow down to you in humility as we face a culture that glorifies sex before marriage. Reshape our conversations and keep our focus centered on the spiritual health of our daughters, as we openly discuss your design for sex and your consequences for disobedience. Give us the wisdom and the patience to persist in these conversations with our daughters. Place us in settings and situations that inspire these conversations, and guide our words as we teach our daughters in faith. We pray our daughters will be the 1 out of 3 who save her body for her husband, and do not give it away in sin. Amen.

Scripture Verses for Revising the Talk (NIV)

“Haven’t you read,” he replied, “that at the beginning the Creator ‘made them male and female,’and said, ‘For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh’? Matt 19:4-5

For it is written: “Be holy, because I am holy.” 1 Peter 1:16

How can a young man keep his way pure? By living according to your word. Psalm 119:9

A simple man believes anything, but a prudent man gives thought to his steps. Proverbs 14:15

Flee the evil desires of youth, and pursue righteousness, faith, love and peace, along with those who call on the Lord out of a pure heart. 2 Timothy 2:22

No temptation has seized you except what is common to man. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can stand up under it. 1 Cor 10:13

There is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus. Romans 8:1

Group Discussion for the 5 Conversations Bible Study

Did you create a 5-step action plan for helping your daughter align her attitude toward sex with God’s plan for her? If so, please share your action plan from page 85 of the workbook.

Welcome to our first week of study as we read 5 Conversations You Must Have With Your Daughter, the Bible Study. This week we learn how to redefine beauty and guide our daughters towards His beauty and her virtue. At the Bible Cafe, we’ll post once a week with a summary of the study. These posts will appear in your email on Monday morning, so be sure to subscribe to the blog. We’re running three online studies right now, so just read the posts related to the 5 Conversations Bible Study.

The workbook lessons are about 20 minutes long, so it’s easy to complete more than one each day. Read at a pace that is most convenient for you. When you finish reading week one, come back here, and join us in conversation about the lesson.

Things You’ll Need to Do: Week One

• Pray for the other women participating in this study
• Read Week One (pages 8-37) in workbook
• Download and watch Video Conversation One (optional due to cost)
• Complete viewer guide on page 7
  

Author Vicki Courtney defines Godly beauty and virtue in week one, and compares this to our worldview of beauty. We learned about our misconceptions of beauty and how we pass this on to our daughters, even girls as young as 5 years old. At the end of this week’s lesson, we bring it home when we write love letters to our daughters (page 34) and redirect our conversations towards true beauty (page 35-36).

As I completed the five daily lessons on Godly beauty, I became aware that I’m wearing the crown of false beauty rather than the crown of Godly beauty. When I don’t fit the mold-of having the perfect weight, wrinkle-free skin, designer clothes and an athletic spirit-I feel depressed and unworthy of love. As a Mom of two daughters I model this attitude and pressure my girls to maintain a high standard of beauty based on appearance and society rules. Yikes! When I complement other women and girls based on their appearance, or tell my daughter how to improve hers, I’m sending a message of false beauty.

The lessons this week are helpful in redirecting my attention from false beauty to Godly beauty and virtues. What a difference this will make in my communication with my daughters! And in the way I view myself in front of the mirror.

Prayer Requests

Heavenly Father, we pray for your Spirit and your words to be in our hearts, as we discover the virtues that make us beautiful. Open our eyes to your definition of beauty and shut our eyes to the nagging commercialization of beauty products. Give us wisdom as mothers so we may teach our daughters the beauty that comes from inside the heart. Reveal to us the knowledge of your truth through scriptures and Bible study. We pray in Jesus’ name, amen.

Scripture Verses for Beauty (NIV)

I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well. Psalm 139:14

Have nothing to do with godless myths and old wives’ tales; rather, train yourself to be godly. For physical training is of some value, but godliness has value for all things, holding promise for both the present life and the life to come. 1 Timothy 4:7-8

Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will. Romans 12:2

Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised. Proverbs 31:30

Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as braided hair and the wearing of gold jewelry and fine clothes. Instead, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight. 1 Peter 3:3-4

Group Discussion for the 5 Conversations Bible Study

Let’s discuss some of these ideas from week one, to support encourage each other in our conversations with our daughters.

1. On page 33, we created a list of women we know who demonstrate God’s inner beauty. Vicki suggests we talk about these virtuous women with our daughters. What can we do to increase our own exposure to virtuous women?
2. What can we do to discuss our own virtuous qualities with our daughters? Do you seize opportunities to share your inner beauty with her? Please give examples.
3. While you were reading this week, what idea stands out as most memorable for you?
4. If you’ve had a conversation with your daughter after reading week one, please share your experience with others.